New data shows US government bought for $14 billion – scheerpost.com
By Lee Camp / Original to ScheerPost
Last weekend I was sitting in my hot tub which is actually just a tub which is actually just my neighbor’s tub that he lets me use when he’s out of doors town and doesn’t know that I found the key to his apartment – and it occurred to me: I don’t think most Americans are happy with our political system. I do not know why.
I get it! I just remembered. That’s because both mainstream parties are owned by corporate America, stand for the same shit, and they haven’t been face to face with an ordinary human being since they fathered the first of their 14 children and the surrogate happened to bring her boyfriend to the birth (or as the rich call it, “the transfer of the human baby to its rightful owners”).
And of course, a new survey verifies that most Americans aren’t happy with the false choice between two political parties. the new NBC News poll found that Democrats and Republicans are about as popular as the horseback hemorrhoid clinic near me.
“According to the poll, 44% of participants said they viewed the Republican Party negatively, 34% viewed it positively, and 21% said they were neutral. … The Democratic Party’s ratings in the poll were quite similar, with 48% saying they viewed the party negatively, 33% saying they viewed it positively and 18% saying they were neutral.
Plus, I imagine those positive numbers are actually higher than they should be, because anyone who wants to take an NBC News phone survey is already not the sharpest tool in the asylum of insane. This poll doesn’t count the large number of respondents who didn’t respond, but graphically depicts what the sounder could do with the right kind of genitals, lube, and a Posturepedic adjustable bed (but you have to burn the bed after) .
There are plenty of reasons why so many people hate the corporate two-party, but one of the biggest might be how bought off they are by the “One Percent”. (And no, I’m not talking about the percentage of people who love Trident’s new Indian Curry Explosion™ chewing gum.) I’m referring to the One Percent who are disgustingly rich – people who own ponies their kids can play with and children for their ponies to play with. These people basically own all our politicians. (Also for their kids to play with. … Which explains why Chuck Schumer and Kristen Gillibrand had to dress like Snorks for an entire month. Or maybe they just needed snorkels so they could breathe under an avalanche of bullshit?)
But yes, our politicians are more bought than ever. A new analysis of Americans For Tax Fairness found that total contributions from billionaires have skyrocketed in recent years. The cycle before Citizens United’s decision saw just $16 million in campaign donations from billionaires. This last cycle saw $2.6 billion donation value.
And what impact does this amount of money have on our elections? Good, the candidate who spends the most wins in the Senate about 80% of the time and wins in the House about 90% of the time. But the reality is actually worse than these two figures illustrate, as they do not cover the fact that the of them parties that spend the most money win 100% of the time — A third-party (non-corporate) candidate essentially wins 0% of the time. Only corporate American puppets can fill the chambers of the Senate with their endangered species, stew spit, and high-end beer farts.
But I’m sure it’s just as bad in other countries, right? Some things are universal, like existential angst or embarrassment when your hairdresser starts telling you about his botched prostate exam. But the multi-billion dollar buying of elections, it turns out, is not a global phenomenon.
In Great Britain, as the BBC reported, “In the 2017 general election, 75 parties and 18 campaign groups said they spent over £41.6m between them.” That’s about US$54 million at the time.
Meanwhile, as OpenSecrets noted, just two peoplethe late Sheldon Adelson and his wife Miriam Adelson “set a new record for individual donations in a single election cycle donating $172.7 million.
Only two casino magnates have spent three times as much as the whole of Britain on their elections. (Sheldon Adelson is now dead. We don’t yet know if he was able to bring the politicians he bought off with him.)
Well, and France? In France “…the amount of money a presidential candidate is allowed to spend during the campaign for the first round is limited to 16.8 million euros. The limit is raised by an additional 5 million euros for the two finalists in the second round.
So basically French presidential candidates are spending less on their entire campaigns than Bill Gates spent on the happy birthday mylar balloons he bought for Jeffrey Epstein in 2016. Ironically, the balloons spelled “You are not old. It’s just that everyone around you is underage! (It was funny at the time, I’m sure.)
And Germany? Do their oligarchs own the system as much as the United States? Deutsche Welle reported“In 2017…parties spent a combined €92 million ($109.6 million) on their election campaigns, according to the Federal Statistical Office. Only $109 million spent on their elections, yet a Zungenwurst with a bow tie won a seat in the Bundestag. (Zungewurst is a form of tongue sausage, but arguably several tongue sausages also won U.S. Senate seats in the last cycle.)
So all of this begs the question: how much has the United States spent? The 2020 election Cost $14.4 billion. That’s more than Mozambique’s gross domestic product! And they have makonde masks which help with fertility – so you know they make money. (If I had wanted to make the pun, I would have said “you know they move some units.” But I would never do that.)
The point being – This. Is. A. Rigid. System.
No wonder the latest polls show that both corporate parties are utterly hated. It’s time to recognize that our system was 100% bought by One Percent, and even the best candidate on their best day is still no better than a Zungenwurst.